The turkey, (sir reggie) has been located and possibly his twin. I say governor off with their heads!!!
A Fowl Tail
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The turkey, (sir reggie) has been located and possibly his twin. I say governor off with their heads!!!
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I say govn’r, is it, the turkey that is, the one as big as me?
Sir reggie has escaped! I was wrong there is three of him. At this time they were last seen in the Litchfield area near some schools. Discriptions of the fowl trio are incomplete at this time. All we know is :color:white with a red neck.Height:18″ to 36″ tall.Weight:unknown. It is not clear how they escaped, but I have been told that the London bobbies and Scotland yard are searching for them. They are considered extremely dangerous, so if you see them toss em some corn and leave the area. I have been assured that the trio will be captured with in 30 days. At which time they will eat to their hearts content. Well I have to fly. Percy
Percy,
Any sign of Sir Reggie?
-CD
Bob, A fowl tail? cackle, cackle. Bob, it seems that somebody thought that it would be a jolly good idea to use those turkeys for show and tell. So off to school they went. It was during this time that they hatched their plan to escape. During show and tell a school teacher went up to pet one of the turkeys. We believe it was Reggie. HE went into his strut,stiffened his wings ruffled his feathers expanded his snood and snorted. While he did this his cohorts stepped behind the teacher. Startled by Reggie’s appearance she stepped back and tripped over the birds.In the confusion they escaped!Since then they have robbing little animals of their food stores.I have it on good report that Scotland yard is sending out some of their best to track the birds.When
I hear more I will let you know.
Woe is me. When will this violence in the classroom come to an end? Thanks for your investigative work Percy. Thou shalt reap thy rewards!
Bob, The yard has put Sir Aerie Hy Cliff in charge of this task. When I spoke to him he said he was going to bring in the great horned owls for night surveillance. These birds are better known as ghost fliers of the skies. They have excellent night vision and can turn their heads nearly all the way around! Plus they make almost no noise flying! In the darkest of night they can maneuver through the thickest of woods without smashing into the trees.Very few elude these silently gliding birds of prey. For daytime operations he has sent to America to recruit their top birds. That’s right Bob, Bald Eagles! Riding heat waves they soar for hours, hardly flapping their wings! A professor I know says those birds can fly a mile high! Blimey! Bob that’s high! Not only that, their eyes can focus in so they can see a mouse from that height! From a mile high locating their prey and then swooping down to make the snatch! It appears that the situation is in good hands. With these watchers in the skies it won’t be long before the turkeys are brought down. Nearly forgot to tell you Bob, a stool pigeon passed this on. We know all of their names now: Reggie, Dexter and Wesley. (sounds like a sissy to me.)When something happens I’ll let you know.(P. P.) Percy the poulterer.
Percy,
I’ll sleep better knowing that these culprits are being pursued by such a feathery bunch. Once they have the culprits, perhaps we should send them after one osama bin laden?
Okay guys, this is getting serious! As you know the Air Force works hand in hand with the Department of Homeland Security. We at the 934th Airlift Wing Aerial Reconnaissance squadron have just been alerted to search for and destroy three escaped domestic turkeys in the Twin Cities metro area. These are some real dirty birds too man! How dirty you ask? Check this out- Last year Al Quida began training and equipping these “Super Turkeys” for a diabolical plot against our beloved nation. The plan is to have them go about the upper Midwest spreading the deadly Avian Flu virus, that’s right, BIRD FLU!
If not apprehended by early December these spreaders of death and destruction will begin their deadly campaign to infect millions and put a damper on our Christmas holiday season. The incubation time for the virus is approximately 20 days. Therefore, it is imperative that these foul fowl be caught or destroyed by the 7th of December, the actual target date for the attack (terrorists love significant dates in history to plan their attacks). Rest assure I will be doing my part as an Airman and Soldier, as for the rest of you, keep a sharp eye out for these guys, but do not under any circumstances try to apprehend them yourself, they are a lot smarter than they look!
Col. Dave
Col Dave, aka (Jacob Marley) I salute you on a story well done! Bob keep reading, the Queen will be sending someone in who should be able to nab bin laden. Back to the tail. Shortly after I wrote you one of the owls made contact. This is what happened. On his nightly patrol the owl saw some movement near some woods. Circling over head he saw a turkey. Once he identified him as one of the culprits he made his move! Eyes locked on his prey, a look of grim determination on his face,talons extended his beak clamped shut he silently swoop in to make the pinch. Just as he was about to grab him, the owl was hit from both sides! Smashed to the ground he was set on by the trio of turkeys. What a fight! Feathers flying, talons slashing, beaks biting ,feet kicking. Screeching and gobbling. What a ruckus! Though the owl fought valiantly he was soon over come. Poor chap. Some chaps out for a stroll came upon him and as they were helping him he said “who who.” They said “how would we know? That’s what we were going to ask you.” Well they took him to a infirmary where he was treated and released. I guess you could say that bird got brained.These turkeys are not to be trifled with. Oh by the way the eagles have not arrived yet. Percy
My question is: Will Sir Reggie be captured by December 5th, or will I (HORRORS!) have to make a trip to Super Value?
Meanwhile back at the Tactical Operations Center (TOC, the military loves acronyms) two special agents arrive. Two American bald eagles enter in (Canadian bald eagles are pansies!). Cleverly, they don shiny black-feathered suits & wigs and quietly depart disguised as crows. The plan I believe is to have these two commandos (code named Heckle & Jeckle) to join up and infiltrate the rafter (a group of turkeys) and collect more information. MI 6 has provided some valuable insights and have a someone in mind to quote “carry out the asighnment.” All I know right now, is that this individual from Her Majesty’s Secret Service is code named Dexter. More to follow. . .
Master Dickens, What is a super value? Is it a place to exchange commodities? Never fear Percy is on top of it.If this trio of bad eggs are not captured, my good friends from BAR 5 MEAT & POULTRY in Arlington MN. will supply two of their large succulent turkeys. MMMMM just thinking of them makes my mouth water. On another note Waszo has completed construction of a coat rack. He hopes to deliver it on Tuesday.
What’s all this then? Super Value? Sigh! And SIGH again! Where is your faith my good man?
Col Dave, I just talked with the professor again. Be fore warned crows and owls hate each other with a unrelenting passion! Owls will dispatch every crow they find sleeping. During daytime crows will do the same. Calling out to other crows till they have a flock large enough to dispatch the owl. I presume it would take all the crows in all of England to handle those two. Keep me informed for I feel that diabolical trio is planning something big. Cheerio Percy.
I say chaps. Has anyone made actual visual identification of the three culprits of late? There is an old tale told of three aboritions that haunted these parts years ago. Could it be they have returned?
Bob I hate to admit to my ignorance, but just what are aboritions? Are they kin to the wailing banshees of Ireland? Do they fly? Are they mineral? Do they live in trees? Percy.
you shall see…
I thought I was ignorant. It’s apparitions not aboritions you ninny!
Bob, I AM sorry I called you a ninny. I just spent 45 min. blogging the turkeys exploits when I some how deleted it all. I hunt and peck when I write. Don’t ask me how I do it.I just do . Boy is it frustrating. I’m sooo confused. Can ya tell. HAHAHAHA TTFN-Percy(ta ta for now)
Actually, Percy, while stories do abound about three apparitions in these parts, I mistakenly was thinking about a series of strange appearances in a little aboriginie village on my last visit down under. My mistake. Now, about the three culprits you are engaged in finding. Do you think they hunt and peck as well? Perhaps you may think about this. Has anyone looked in the computer lab at the school they escaped from. They could still be typing their escape plan!
Bob, I fore told you those turkeys had something big planned. They are now in London on a crime spree. Early
today they went to the London jewel and precious metal exchange. They attacked a jewel courier ripped open satchel of jewels and ate them! Egads Bob they’re using jewels in their gizzards to help digest their food! By the time the bobbies got there they had flown the coop.To add further insult to injury the jewels they gobbled up were for her majesty the queen. The queen is furious, she has sent for Sir Aerie HY Cliff. I would not want to be him just now. Bob I have to go now to see the baker about some rolls. Cheerio Percy.
On the way to see the baker on Earl Street, you know the bloke; he’s the one who lets the penniless widow clean out his ovens. She takes the crumbs and makes gruel out of it to feed the street urchins. Quite a ways up the street there was quite a commotion. The baker was loading his cart when out of the blue the turkeys swooped in. As they tried to grab some bread he grabbed two long loaves himself and started to swing them. He was holding his own ’til the loaves broke. With Dexter and Wesley holding him back Reggie was grabbing the bread. About this time the penniless widow walks around the corner. Taking it all in a glance she acts. Running up she pushes past the struggling trio, and grabs a loaf from Reggie, spins around and takes off running. Reggie yells out “after her boys she’s pinched me loaf!” You know Bob; turkeys can be so dumb at times. As soon as he said that they dropped everything to chase her. Uncommonly brilliant of her! Off she goes down the street, the loaf of bread clutched in one hand, the other holding up her skirt. Dodging people, horses and carts she led them a merry chase! Leaping over piles of rubbish she ran with the grace of a gazelle. Realizing that the turkeys were closing she starts whistling, calling the street urchins to her. Coming from the side streets they get in the way of the turkeys. It is not enough. With Reggie pecking at her heels it looks like the end when a young boy dives onto Reggie’s back! Grabbing his neck with both hands he booted Reggie in the sides with the heels of his feet. Immediately the other two broke off the chase to come to Reggie’s aid. Seeing this the boy jumped off of Reggie and took off running. This diversion allowed the penniless widow to make good her escape.
Bob, it seems the loaf of bread that the penniless widow took from Reggie was meant for the Queen. Although she is not happy, the baker is. Her quick action allowed him to make enough sales to pay Ebenezer Scrooge this month. It seems everybody owes him! The Queen had her talk with Sir Aerie. He was very subdued. My sources tell me that “the kestrel” will be involved. All I was told was that nobody knows anything about him. And I do mean nobody! Also just before dusk the air over London was filled with eagles. The colonists have arrived. The bald eagles will start patrolling the skies over London tomorrow. The net is drawing tighter. What role the kestrel will play is yet to be seen. By the way Bob I happen to have a large goose for sale. I would give you a good deal if you were interested.-Percy.
Will there be sage and onion?
Yes there will, and maybe some parsley, rosemary and thyme. On the way to Phoenix I read a booked titled “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young. I highly recommend it to anybody who has questions about evil in this world.It’s a mans search for answers and what type of relationship God desires for us to have with him. I could not put it down. For the last few years I have had some questions that needed answers and this book helped to answer them. Also it raised some others. _Waszo
I say Bob, Jolly good show this evening. May God give peace and happiness to both of you. Cherish her.-Percy. Now to the tail. Those owls sure are snotty. When told about the kestrel all they could say was who? who?The eagles on the other hand just did what he told them. So the night and day patrols have intensified. Rumor has it the Queen wants her jewels back by the end of the week. So I was thinking Bob, maybe we should ask the devil if we could borrow Jacob Marley for a while. All we have to do is find out where the turkeys will strike next.We get Ebenezer Scrooge and Marley there. When the turkeys start to fly off we get Scrooge to say “Jacob you were always a good man of business.” You know how that sets him off! He’ll scream out “Business! Man kind was my business. He’ll throw a ball of hellfire, hit a turkey with it, and instantly cook the bird. All you have to do is catch a falling bird and put it on a platter. Feed it to your hungry family.Query me this Bob, What song did I corrupt to get those lines?-The songster Percy.
Bob, early this morning the turkeys tried to escape.With the eagles chasing them they flew towards a forest near London.High above with the sun behind him the kestrel was waiting.Choosing the last bird(Wesley) he attacked.As he pulled his legs tight to his body he put himself in a steep dive.He tucked his wings in to pick up even more speed.It was over in a flash!He hit Wesley square in the head.Wesley dropped like a rock to the ground where he was quickly apprehended.The kestrel turned around and flew towards Dexter.Coming up from below he hit one of Dexter’s wings, knocking loose some feathers.What a fight! That kestrel was all over that turkey.He would of brought him down but for Reggie. Seeing Wesley down and Dexter in trouble,Reggie gets above the kestrel and launches himself at him.The kestrel is doing the same thing, launching himself at Dexter’s back. Just as he is about to hit Dexter,Reggie hits him,squashing him between the two turkeys.Reggie and Dexter regain their balance and just make the trees before the eagles reach them.(Some of them hit the trees.)Meanwhile the kestrel it plummeting towards the ground when one of the eagles sees him. Mimicking the kestrel he launches himself down.With the ground coming up fast,he does a barrel roll and extends his talons and grabs the kestrel. He does another barrel roll righting himself and pulls up, flapping his wings furiously to gain altitude.He just missed crashing into the ground!What a display of courage and bravery!I say Hooray for the eagles!The kestrel was air lifted to the hospital.He has a broken wing and leg and some cracked ribs. He may be small but he sure is a scrapper!You know Bob it is not the big things in life that bring you down. It’s the little ones.(A good man of the cloth could make a good sermon out of that.) When I hear more I’ll let you know. -Percy.
Bob after his capture Wesley was taken to the tower of London.He has been question but he refuses to talk. He goes on trial tomorrow.Still no word on Reggie and Dexter.Do you think they might of left the country?I’ll let you know how the trial goes. Percy.
Well well, well! There we were, flying along all fat dumb and happy, when a call came in over the headset “Homeland security alert #58734 has been issued. To authenticate this message reply with AF security code alpha.” So of course I went to a secure channel and authenticated the message. Seems we have picked up those two dirty birds on one of our most sophisticated satellite tracking systems. As of 0800 local time the target was in U.S. airspace heading 273 degrees west at 240 knots @ 23,720 ft. over Bangor, ME. The plan as of this moment is to let them land (don’t want that bird flu virus getting airborne) then isolate the target and let our special agent engage the threat. Stay tuned folks!
J.M.
Well Bob, Wesley was tried today.The prosecution had the school teacher,jewel courier,baker,and the penniless widow take the stand.The defense had nothing.Wesley was found guilty.He will be executed tomorrow morning in the tower of London.I see that the Queen will be getting her jewels back.At least some of them.-Percy.
I say chaps, if I remember right, Scrooge was to send that bird to my extremely needy family. Once all this is said and done, will there be any meat left for poor tiny Tim or will he be left tip toeing through the turkey feathers with me? (OK percy, there is your song for the day!)
It has come to the attention of NORAD (North American Air Defense) that these birds are doing some supernatural things. The consensus is, that subduing these winged little devils will take some “unconventional forces.” Make no mistake about it; our government is no stranger dabbling in the use of such dark forces (i.e. the Psy-ops & IRS). It is no surprise then that ole Jacob & a certain nineteenth century British poulter were consulted on the matter. For some unknown reason some old miserly dude is also being recruited. Hmm sounds like authorities have chosen to fight the fowl with the foul!
Whoa! There is a lot of strange things going down at the Osceola airport! Lots of large black SUVs and sedans with blacked out windows & government plates and check this out A MOBILE RADAR TRCKING SYSTEM, lots of guys in black suits & sunglasses and a bunch of dudes in those white bio-hazard suits. And get this, the Department of Homeland Security has raised the alert status from yellow to amber. Hold on to your hats folks, this could spell trouble for the good people of the St. Croix Valley.
Marley,
Has Homeland Security said anything about using any abandoned radar bases for their operations center. I’ve heard that there are some turkeys lurking nearby, at just such a site.
Bob,Wesley meet his end today.The Queen got her jewels, And we have a turkey!!!I will let you know how big he is tomorrow. Percy. He should be big enough to feed your family.
The Dead End
Well, isn’t it strange how the real world and the spiritual interact sometimes? Last night while we were all practicing our Godly presentation there was also a spiritual battle taking place right above us. It seems those three turkeys were not on a mission to spread bird flu all over the country after all. No sir, they were out to attack a specific target, The Carol was there intended target! So here is how it all went down-
As the two menacing fowl descended upon the Arc, the true spirits of ole Jacob, Ebenezer & Percy were just outside the facility laying a trap. At approximately 20:00 hrs local time, residents of Osceola reported seeing two large fireballs descending from the night sky, they were very bright and seem to have landed in a field near 240th and 30th. The flash was so bright as to cause residents to think a nuclear attack was underway.
In reality, what really happened was that when the two fowl were descending, Ebenezer cried out to Jacob- “you were a good man of business!” With that the outraged spirit responded with a hellacious and flaming “BUISNESS!” and oh was he outraged! The flames reached an unprecedented 3,000 ft. just as the bad guys were reaching terra firma. Well sir, that flame ignited the infamous birds instantly roasting the plumage off their fowl feathered bodies (it was not pretty). The smell of burnt feathers with a hint of roast turkey filled the air as a dirty bird struck the ground. Dexter landed with a thud just outside the manger scene and was instantly spotted by Percy the poulter. The ole carver went right to work and introduced a few old wrestling moves to the would-be assassin. Poor Dexter, in a smoldering state of deliriousness he tried to fight back, his bell was wrung; his neck was wrung and he cursed (in Turkish of coarse) and fought wildly just before he went to meet his maker.
As for Reggie, radar indicates that he came down in a flaming ball, crashed through the ice on Pleasant Lake. A loud sizzling sound could be heard in the vicinity as onlookers searched for the victim. So far no remains have been recovered. Stay tune for the latest updates.
Percy,
From latest reports I think I’ll hold off on the goose for a bit. Seems there is enough Godly spiritual warfare going on. Who knows, with all those angels surrounding the ARC Scrooge may actually come to his senses and send me a turkey for Christmas. However, please continue to take care of the goose, we want to make sure he is getting fat.
Bob, Wesley weighed in at just under 29 lbs.Because of the swelling of Dexter’s body due to severe trauma from 1st,2nd,and 3rd degree burns,and impact damage caused from his fall he won’t fit on the scale. When I get his weight I’ll let you know.Marley,I have to doff my hat to you!I thought I could tell colorful stories,but you are in a class all your own!Well done!Bully I say!I have not laughed so hard in a long time.It did my heart good. -Percy.P.S.If you notice Dexter is missing a wing tip it’s because if was fried to a crisp.Just the way I like them.-Percy.